Well… after that long trip back from Jersey… let’s see it was about 12 hours all together and about 10 of those driving a car without cruise control.  And I must inform you… if you have never driven a car without cruise control on a long trip… say over 300 miles…. don’t try it.  It is not fun.

Anyway… after the long trip… it seems I have re-aggravated my knee.  I went to work tonight and that has made it worse.  There’s some tingling going on in my foot… which I do not really care for…. so I’m wondering if swelling is to follow which would probably indicate a DVT.  But I hope not.  Also.. there is some major pain on the lateral side and exactly where the meniscus was removed.  I think I’m going to go back to the doctor.

I am rambling and it’s probably because I just had about 11.25mg of loratab.

That will stop the pain.  For now.

The only thing I can say

Is what a fucking day.

But we live for days like this, don’t we? I surely do. When you have to race to CT for a code blue. When you’re setting up for intubation here and there. When its so busy you can’t think about anything else. When a 12 hour shift turns into a 16 hour shift. When you get home the physical and emotional exhaustion is so overwhelming that sleep is the only thing that can comfort you….if that’s even possible.

This is what I do.

So while I’m thinking about it….I just wanna talk a little more about this day. As I said earlier, we had a baby die on us this morning. I wasn’t here for the code (and I’m happy about that), but the whole demeanor of this ER has been different all day. I’ve never experienced anything like this. There is a different mood about this place. We did our damnedest to save that life today and I was told some of the nurses were amazing and I don’t doubt it one bit. It’s been a sad day…a day we’ll remember. I couldn’t imagine a worst start to the morning. We have carried this around with us all day, with nobody speaking a word about it. It’s been emotional. It’s been different. It’s like a part of each of us died this morning….

So when I arrived at the hospital this morning…the coroner was here and I knew right then that whatever I was about to walk into wouldn’t be good. But when I walked in….it was worse. We had an 8 month old child that was unresponsive and when I arrived, they had already pronounced.

I have never seen so much emotion in my life. I wasn’t apart of the code, but I can only imagine the emotion that would have raced through me if I would have been. It’s a sad day here in the ER (mostly for the mothers I work with), but we have to shake it off and go on because there are other people that need us.

This is what I do.

Great Encouragement

I just had a great discussion with one of our doctors here in the ED about med school.

The talk was very helpful and was really needed to help push me to resolve the predicament between staying a nurse or fulfilling the dream of doctor.

I feel like with the hunger and the passion that I have for this profession can get me through all the things that I will need to go through.

It felt more like a pep talk and was very informative. I actually wasn’t finished haha

Doing work

No, really.  I’m doing some hospital stuff from home.  It’s aggravating.